“I hate change. But, I also hate when things never change.” -Jovan Lottis
I’ve been living a pretty easy life over the last three+ years. I have a good, stable job that I enjoy. I have a modest apartment in a wonderful area of town. I’m healthy, the cat is healthy. It’s all nice, but also a little boring. In 2011, my life got shook up in a crazy way. I ended a seven year relationship, I moved twice, and got a real job. But, since then I’ve kind of been coasting along without too many serious bumps in the road.
I have a big change on the horizon. Probably one of the biggest changes in my life to this point and I’m pretty scared. As you may have read awhile back, I applied to grad school in Calgary, with a pretty high likelihood that I will be accepted. That means… I have to move. I have to leave my nice job and my nice apartment. Leave the comfort of this life and set off for one that I’m not sure will be as good as what I have here. I’ve lived in and around Winnipeg for my whole life, with a short spurt of time in the Caribou mountains of BC. Do I want to leave the familiar?
I fell a little bit in love with an amazing person this summer. He shook me and my life up and I really liked it. I want everyday to feel like that- head all fluttery, smiling when you see their name on your phone. I want to be IN LOVE with my LIFE again, because I haven’t been for a long time now. I think about what’s really happening here for me- all my close friends have moved away recently, I have one family member living here. I spend the majority of my time working, reading work related literature, watching Netflix, getting drunk with strangers and sometimes bringing one home and hoping he never calls me, or some variation of these things. I’m kinda in a rut and maybe I need this move to shake my life up and bring something great.
There’s more than the one thing leading me to Calgary. There’s something else there that may or may not be good for me- it’s hard to tell. It’s a person who I have an inexplicable bond. I’ve been waiting for a signal, a sign, or a commitment to tell me it’s right. To tell me it’s going to be worth it. Whether I’m going for school or for this person has become blurred. I want to maintain that I’m going for opportunity, to better myself, to make a small difference for ‘have nots’ living in a ‘Have’ City, for adventure, for the Bucket List.
I like to be prepared. I don’t like surprises. I like to envision every possible outcome in situations. But, I just can’t with this one. All I do know is that I don’t want regrets in my life. I’ve recently tried to eliminate regrets from my life by telling people how I feel about them, applying for jobs over my head, saying ‘yes’ to giving lectures and presentations. I don’t want not moving to be one of those things I hate myself for in 10 years. I guess that’s why they call it a “leap of faith”, or maybe it’s more of a U-Haul of faith in this situation. Either way, it’s kind of all I’ve got right now.
Have you ever made a cross-country move? Was it worth it?