The Weight of Grudges

In a recent conversation I had with a colleague, the work I’d done in the community came up. He thanked me for all I’d done and said I made a huge difference in the lives of so many vulnerable people in the area.

This got me thinking… after I thanked him for the compliment, my reply was “I always hope to make some sort of positive dent where ever I happen to be.” I think I’ve managed to do a pretty good job of that… for the most part.

I would never say I am perfect. I am so far from it. But, I do try to be as good to others as I can without trying to figure out how our relationship will benefit me. Sometimes, this gets me in trouble or people take advantage of my trusting and generous nature.

There has been at least once, recent years, where I was not as good to someone as I could have been. I had hate and anger in my normally good heart and I ripped into them like I’d never done to anyone before. My anger got the best of me and I purposefully hurt someone without thinking about it. I wish I had slept on it, things might be different.

I had held onto my anger and hatred of them for awhile afterward. I put it in a little corner of my soul to silently stew, almost to be forgotten, only to have it flare up every so often… but what did that really do for me? Absolutely nothing. My frustration faded after some time. I put myself in their shoes for a bit, trying to make sense of the ridiculous situation we had found ourselves in. I let go of my so-called grudge because it was of no use to me anymore.

However, don’t be confused. I still believe wholeheartedly what they did to me was very, very wrong and would not wish their actions on anyone. I also know my retaliation was wrong and things were said that likely cut deep. For that I am truly sorry. 

However, I believe this person still holds a very strong grudge against me, they even appear to wish death upon me. There is denial and cover-ups by mutual friends, but it sometimes comes out just how strong their hatred STILL is for me. I’d like to bury this hatchet, but many things stand in the way- mostly ego, a grudge, (and sometimes even people) are holding us back from being civil.

If I could say one thing about grudges, it would be this: they are a weight. Grudges drag you down without you realizing it. They do not make you a better person, they also don’t make what you did the right thing, they don’t escape you from responsibility or bad behaviour. They are a waste of mind space, because admit it… it does take at least some effort to hate someone.

I do not want to be the proud owner of a violent grudge. That is why I acknowledged their wrong of me, dealt with it the way I needed to, and then simply let it go. It’s a hard thing to do, but it really makes you feel good. When you hold a grudge, I don’t think you can ever feel 100% alright because the grudge occupies a space of yourself that could be filled with happiness, but you choose to fill it with hate instead… I’m sounding very New-Age Oprah in this post. 

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For that certain person, in case you should stumble upon this post or if a mutual friend should share it with you:

You’ve probably never read this blog and maybe never will, you likely do not give a shit what I think about the past situation. You may even laugh and let this blog post fuel your grudge. I know you have not let it go and that you have an inhuman amount of hate for someone who is trying to make things right, but is unable to get around the obstacles. You may not know that I am apologetic for hurting you because of these same obstacles. You and I will never be friends and that is understandable. But, the least we can do is be civil, understanding, and forgiving with one another. I hope you can take this to heart, know that I acknowledge my behaviour as wrong and you can do the same of yours. Take a deep breath and let it all go one day. Maybe that’s the day we can make peace. I truly look forward to it one day, in whatever form peace will take between us.

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People CAN evolve emotionally, that’s one of the wonderful things about us. We can change our opinions of people, empathize, and vow to live good lives where we are decent to one another. Choice is a wonderful tool at our disposal, but we also have to choose to use it (ay’ there’s the rub). I made a choice to evolve and I am so happy I did. After all, hatred is a terrible color on me.

Okay…. end of my New-Age hippie mumbo-jumbo. But it does feel good (and a little scary) to put this out into the universe.

Words I Don’t Know

I’m getting old. How do I know that? Because I don’t know what words mean anymore. Is it just me or is slang today just terrible? Here is a list of words I don’t know, but what I think they mean and what they actually mean.

Bae
Someone who has misspelled bao. Bao is delicious.
Example: “Let’s go get some bae.”
“Do you mean bao?”

A shortened form of “babe” and also an acronym for “before anyone else.” 

Fleek
Ugh. I don’t know. It sounds like it’s going to be something really dumb. If I had to guess, I would say something to do with travelling… like looking for a cheap flight?
Example: “I’m trying to fleek Brisbane on Expedia, but not having any luck.”

Something being on fleek means that it is looking perfect.

Turnt
Getting all mixed up. Like, getting turned around.
Example: “Wait a second, which way is Hell? I’m all turnt.”

Being in full party mode.

AF
Abbreviating afternoon.
Example: “See you this AF.”

Abbreviating “as fuck”.

Swerve
To miss a deer on the highway.
Example: “I had to swerve to not hit a deer on the road.”

Used to call someone out on a lie, or to tell someone to go away.

 

Do you use any of these awful words/phrases? 

Kijiji Etiquette: Are you a Flake?

I’ve begun to minimize my belongings in anticipation of my Calgary move. A lot of the time when I do a belonging cull, I just donate everything because selling is such a huge hassle. But, I’ve decided that I’ve got some decent junk around this place and I’d like to make a bit of extra money since moving and Calgary are expensive.

I’ve made a number of posts on Kijiji over the last month or so, and it’s getting to the point where I would rather just donate everything and not have to deal with the bottom feeders that frequent that site. Kijiji attracts the worst people because email is so easy and there is no face-to-face interaction until the deal is made and done.

So, I’ve put together an Etiquette Guide for those dim-wits that are trying to buy my listed items.

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1.  Do Not…
Show up without having stated a time/day and just expecting me to be home without notice. 
Wait for a confirmation from the seller that the day/time you request is okay. Do not just show up and expect that person to be home and waiting for you.

2.  Do Not…
Ask to meet up in far flung areas of the city for a $5 item.
I have people asking me to meet in Transcona. Transcona is at least a 45 minute bus ride and $5.20 in fares and even if I drove it would be 25-30 minutes, gas, time. All to deliver a $5 or $10 item.

Think of a Kijiji seller as a store. You go to them. Would you ask a store to meet you half way across the city for your convenience?

3.  Do Not…
Uz theez wrds f u wnt 2 buy.
A fairly good indicator you are dealing with a moron if they can’t use proper words in their initial email to you. I’ve actually asked people what they are saying because I couldn’t understand them.

4.  Do Not…
Do the last minute ditch.
I get ready to meet someone or I’ve stayed home because I expect them to be coming by when a few minutes to the agreed upon time, they email and say “Yeah, I won’t be able to make it” and then you never hear from them again. No rescheduling, no explanation. This is why you don’t take the ad down until it is out of your hands.

5.  Do Not…
Undercut the already low price.
I haven’t had too much bad luck with this one, but I know other people who have. Do not offer half the asking price. Do not show up and say “I only have $20” when the item is listed for $40. Do not go for the Douche Bag Discount.

6.  Do Not…
Provide the wrong email address off the bat.
I had this happen just this week, but never before. Someone seems genuinely interested in buying an item, you go to email them back and it bounces immediately. Kijiji doesn’t make you give a real email address, but I don’t know why you would put in a fake one. Just stupid.

Do you have any Kijiji horror stories? 

Things I Hate, A-M

Miss the first installment of this series? Here’s a link to Things I Love, A-M.

Anxiety
My anxiety has been skyrocketing these days and it has been hard to get things done or get to sleep or eat… or really do anything besides be anxious.

Birds as pets
I’ve never understood it. You have to keep them in a cage, you can’t cuddle them. The only way for a pet to get more useless is to be a fish.

Cat hair
I have a long-haired cat who is also a giant. So, he has a lot of hair to spread around this little apartment. Since it’s spring, it has been worse with him shedding extra. I should be vacuuming every other day, but I don’t.

Doing dishes
My most hated household chore and this is why I have 2 forks, 2 knives, 2 spoons, 2 plates… and so on.

 


Engagement photos/announcements
They are so cheesy and sometimes look really awkward. And why do you need a lame photo is a forest to tell your friends and family you are getting married? Just send a mass email and be done with it.

 


Fancy meals
I can appreciate a good meal, but I’m talking pretentious for pretentious sake. The above is supposed to be a “deconstructed’ cheesecake, and you know it’s costing $18 for $3 worth of ingredients. I could add “foodies” to this list… I just don’t get you. If you feel the same this is an amazing satirical blog you should definitely check out!


Grumpy cat
I am more of a Bub lady myself. This cat is old news and I’ve grown to hate its face and that Christmas movie only made my hate stronger.

 


Hangovers
As I’ve gotten older, hangovers have me the death of me. They have gotten bad and they LAST! Definitely can’t drink how I used to.


Ignorance of social issues
When people try to argue things they have no idea about, like homelessness or supervised injection sites, and make it into a debate of morals and character. They are mutually exclusive. Those conversations are so frustrating it makes me want to just walk away because you know you can’t change an idiot’s mind.


January
It’s usually around the end of January where I start to get fed up with the cold weather and wishing it would just end already.


Knitting
I’ve never been able to figure it out. I crochet and I love it… that’s enough for me.


Lateness
This is one of my worst pet peeves. I am so punctual you could set your watch by me and I expect the same from my friends/family. I try to set a good example for my clients by showing up when I say I will, being where I’m supposed to be, etc. Please show me the same consideration and leave your house 10 minutes early.


Moths
One of my arch enemies. Moths are the worst. They are unpredictable and erratic. They fly in your face and your hair when trying to get away and it’s terrifying to me. Some people hate spiders… I hate moths.

Stay tuned for more of this Love/Hate series, featuring N-Z. Coming soon!